The Financial Crisis

I never have any money so I don’t know what everyone is fucking complaining about but I’ve put together a basic outline of why you’re going to work in McDonald’s after collage.

All the cash in the world is covered in cocaine and that’s because the only people who use real money are drug dealers and prostitutes. A long time ago, banks decided it would be much easier if they just made imaginary money, like in a board game, but rather than wasting all the paper trees they just gave you a digital card which told you how much you had. Now it was really easy for bankers to just give people money because they just needed to go on a computer and add more numbers.

The problem was that they started giving the imaginary money to poor people so they could buy houses. Poor people are stupid and they used the cards wrong and this made the bankers’ computer crash. The government gave the bankers lots of imaginary money to fix the banking machine but it took too long and everyone got bored so they decided to have a long recess, called the recession. It was like the great depression but it wasn’t very great.

Since Germany won World War ii, most of the countries in Europe have worked for them but now they all wanted a raise so they could retire early. Germany said no nine times so they all gave up and said that they couldn’t be bothered to work anymore.

That means there are no foreigners to work in McDonalds so America can’t get fast food so now you have to work there or we won’t have any food. It’s a bit like military service except worse for your health.