I’m amazing at gambling because I have a 5th
sense and I can see the future basically. But I don’t want to use my skill too
much because either a) I will become the modern day Nosferatu and people will
keep asking me to read their palm leaves and shit or b) the NRA will use all
their spying stuff to have me arrested as some sort of wizard (although then I
might at least have a shot at finger-banging Emma Watson).
Since my future
prediction ability is not a transferable skill, I’ll explain how you retards
can make a ton of money by just using your eyes.
Blackjack was created in Las Vegas and has been around for
years, even before Robert DeNiro used to own a casino there. My dad says Frank
Sinatra used to play there with his pet packrat so it’s pretty old. The rules
are that you buy cards off the dealer until you have 21. If the dealer collects
21 cards before you then he keeps all your money but if he doesn’t then you
get, like, a million dollars or something. Most idiots just play it by luck and
wait to see what happens but if you’re in anyway smart then you will count your
cards so you know how many more you need to get to 21; it’s basic arithmetic.
The only problem is that casinos don’t like you doing it
because they want to keep it a secret that there’s only 42 cards in a deck,
even though it should be obvious because that’s 21 for you and 21 for the
dealer. Once you know it, you can use this to get whatever you want in life or
the universe or anything.
